This week I am making a conscious decision to begin writing for myself. Over the years I have written to others. I wrote for their edification and encouragement and the thrill I got from it – writing carried me through different seasons – especially the season I waited almost 12 years to have my adorable twin boys. It was a companion. It brought me many friends and admirers. It connected me to people, places. It was my reason to go another day. My heart found encouragement through the people who engaged with my writing, the authenticity and connection they made with me was a thrill. However in recent times, I have found myself coming back to that place again where my inner child needs healing. The little one existing in a 40 year old body is screaming for rest, safety and security.

“Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belong to such as these” – Matthew 19:14

I find myself in this season re-parenting myself. Teaching my nervous system how to stay calm. Holding unto what matters which is staying grounded and secure in God’s love. It feels like the carpet has been pulled from under me with the difficulties I have been experiencing in my connections recently. I am examining the need to over function in people’s life. I am examining the role I play as a “service girl”. I want to experience love not because of the things I do, but simply because I exist. I believe God is calling me in this season to simply be! – And this is what I plan to do moving forward

I am not working hard to please anyone. I am not running overtime to save anyone. I am not existing to be a kind of saviour. I am a daughter wrapped in the loving hands of a Father who offers unconditional love, safety, rest and security.